Bridging the Tween and Gender Divide

Empowering children to be their strongest, most confident selves is undeniably important. Just as crucial is the role families and other adults play in that endeavor. But as kids—especially girls—reach school-age and beyond, providing that support becomes more challenging. Vanessa Kroll Bennett, who in 2019 was named scholar in residence for the JCC's Bert and Sandra Wasserman Center for Family Life, has experienced this firsthand as a mom to three sons and a daughter, ages 9 to 17. (The Center for Family Life is the second JCC center to tap into the expertise of a scholar in residence; Ruth Messinger became the social justice activist in residence for The Joseph Stern Center for Social Responsibility in 2017.)

Five years ago, Bennett launched Dynamo Girl. Through this program, offered in 12 locations in Manhattan, Brooklyn, and Westchester, girls ages 4-10 learn fundamental sports skills in a fun, joyful environment. (The JCC, where Dynamo Girl was introduced in early 2019, is the only location not housed in an individual school.) Rather than building “elite” athletes, it was envisioned to “let girls be creative and collaborative, build new friendships, and have mentors. “Parents will very quickly say, ‘My daughter’s not an athlete,’ while putting their boys in every athletic program possible,” Bennett says. She adds that Melissa Donovan, the JCC’s COO of Health and Wellness, “wasn’t willing to give up on girls in this community.”

Debra Wasserman, then on the JCC board of directors, knew these classes were only the beginning. She saw the programming Bennett was doing through her organization, Dynamo Workshops + Training, for tweens of all genders and their parents, as the “perfect fit” and encouraged the JCC to bring that programming here. “We wanted to build something not based around gender, partially because the concept of gender has become so fluid and partially because there’s so much boys want and need,” Bennett explains. “If we want to create a society where girls feel empowered, we also have to teach boys how to facilitate that.” At the JCC, that approach involves not only reaching out to parents and kids, but partnering with staff who work with them every day. More than 75 coaches and swim, afterschool, and fitness staffers have taken a training emphasizing a unique approach to “meeting kids where they are.”

The staffers, Bennett says, learn about “coaching with an emotional/social lens…how to step back from judgmentalism, from wanting kids to be the best.” They also focus on issues pertaining to their specific populations—for swim staff, it may be body image; for afterschool staff, handling the needs of a population, that, in programs like Clubhouse, changes from day to day.

"Vanessa was helpful in structuring our conversation around talking with kids and helping us create a supportive space for them and their afterschool counselors,” says Tal Magaril, the JCC’s director of school-age programs, who adds that Bennett has given her increased confidence in her interactions with kids and parents. “She gets it. She doesn’t pretend to know more than anyone else. She just has experience with framing things."

Tapping into Tweens

In 2018, Bennett and Dynamo Girl Outreach Director Mary Pat Draddy, LMSW, began running puberty workshops for tween girls and their parents. Part of building stronger, more confident girls, says Bennett, is having girls understand their bodies and having their parents understand them too. The first workshop held at the JCC, in 2019, sold out. A second, for parents of boys, with Decoding Boys author Cara Natterson, did too. Also for parents, the JCC earlier this year hosted the first round of the pilot program of Grappling Circles, where participants, as the name implies, “wrestle” with issues they face at this particular life stage. What makes Grappling Circles different, says Bennett, is that in addition to conversation, it incorporates research and data, which she says, "people want to be grounded in."

The tween years are "a turning point in how kids see their parents," notes Yael Kahn Pinto, director of the Center for Family Life. “They’re pulling away from parents, and demands of school and peer pressure play a greater role than ever. Parents are untethered about who they can turn to for support. It’s clear we’ve tapped into a real need.” “Vanessa helps us elevate our brand," says JCC Chief Program Officer Dava Schub. “She gives voice to our truth.” Debra Wasserman calls the programming needs of tweens and their parents "an ever-moving target. With Vanessa’s help, we opened the opportunity to get at the front lines of important conversations. She adds so much value to what our potential is and helps us meet that.”

Sherri Lerner is the former editorial director at the Marlene Meyerson JCC Manhattan. She has written and edited for numerous publications and is currently on the staff of the Wechsler Center.