Shomer Collective to Keep “What Matters” Flame Burning Bright

From the time it was introduced at the Marlene Meyerson JCC Manhattan in 2015, What Matters: Caring Conversations About End of Life has helped countless people record and communicate their end of life wishes to family, friends, and healthcare professionals. Research revealed that more than 90 percent of people consider it important to make their healthcare wishes known to others, yet just over a third of the population actually act to make that happen. "That’s a gap we wanted to fill," says Sally Kaplan, the program’s founding (and current) director.

Under the direction of Kaplan and others throughout the years, What Matters has exceeded all expectations, and with that, capacity. On July 1, it will become a signature offering of Shomer Collective, a curated collection of diverse, multi-denominational end of life resources and programs, that will help What Matters grow into a program of national scope. The word shomer is Hebrew for guardian, and the name couldn’t be more apt. Nor could Shomer’s timing.

"We think we’ve developed something great," says Kaplan, "but we’ve exceeded our ability to deliver it. At the same time we were looking to see how we could grow, Shomer was looking to fill this need. It was beshert (destiny)."

"We wanted to help elevate this incredibly successful Jewish community-based program," says Rabbi Melanie Levav, Shomer Collective’s founding executive director. "We saw this as an opportunity to bring the work of What Matters to a larger audience."

At the JCC and 19 other New York City locations, including synagogues, rabbinic seminaries, and Jewish communal organizations, community members have looked to the program and its volunteer facilitators to help them have these conversations, and gain the reassurance that their end of life choices will be honored by friends and loved ones. Rabbi Brian Fink has been the JCC’s site coordinator for the program since early on.

Approximately 125 volunteer facilitators, including Mary Ann Grossinger, have been trained in the What Matters curriculum.
"I found it an extremely worthwhile experience beyond anything that I had even imagined," Grossinger says. "The people I worked with were very happy to be doing this and to get the help to do it."
The JCC was the founding site, but also provided physical, administrative, marketing, and outreach support. "The energy and resources from the JCC were boundless," Kaplan says.

What Matters has been funded by Plaza Community Jewish Chapel, with support from UJA-Federation of New York.
The curriculum is based on Respecting Choices, an initiative of the Gundersen Medical Foundation in La Crosse, WI, designed specifically to offer end of life conversations in healthcare settings. What Matters was the first organization to filter this information through a Jewish and communal lens. "There’s a large body of wisdom about how Judaism sees healthcare and end of life," Kaplan says.

For Marvin Israelow, who worked with a volunteer facilitator to consider his end of life plans, the experience was nothing less than "soul-settling." "My anticipation of a likely morbid discussion could not have been further from what actually occurred," he says. "The What Matters questions invited me to reflect deeply on my past experiences with loved ones who had passed on. The reflections were healing, heartwarming, and instructive."

While What Matters has been very focused on presenting the program through a Jewish lens, it’s also been important to make the language accessible to those of any background. "Every faith has something significant to say about these issues," Kaplan says. "I think we’ve brought language to the community in a way that has created culture change and has destigmatized this conversation."
"The needle is very hard to move because these conversations are among the hardest to have," she adds, but with the COVID-19 pandemic, the need to have them took on a new urgency. "We’ve seen how many people are alone," says Susie Kessler, the JCC’s What Matters site manager. "As a world, people are much more familiar with the need to talk about this."

BROADENING THE REACH

Shomer Collective, established in 2020, came out of a series of conversations that began two years earlier after several members of Natan, the giving circle that has helped launch Shomer, realized the systemic challenges in end of life planning after experiencing their own losses. Meetings with each other and with Jewish end of life professionals resulted in an opportunity to bring organizations focusing on this together, and Shomer Collective was born. Its programs are available throughout the country.

As part of the Shomer Collective network, What Matters will have the opportunity to make sure that diverse populations have access to advance care planning, including people with special needs, members of the LGBTQIA+ community, families with young children, and solo agers (older adults without family).

"The comments that come from the programs we run are so thoughtful," Kaplan says. "Having a place for people to voice their concerns and tell their stories has been important. You can’t measure that."
"This partnership not only ensures What Matters’ sustainability and reputability," she adds, "but it meets a real need of Shomer’s, to be the location for all things Jewish end of life."

At Shomer Collective, What Matters will launch with a monthly online program aimed directly at consumers. Additional group and one-on-one conversations, and the identification of new pilot communities will follow.

Other Shomer partners include Reboot, Hadar, and The Jewish Hospice and Chaplaincy Network. "They're really forging a new path in the end of life world," says Kaplan.

Kaplan and Kessler, as well as the JCC itself, will continue to play an important role with What Matters when it becomes part of Shomer. "The JCC will always be a central, valued What Matters site," Kaplan says.

"Part of our mission is to elevate the conversation in the community," Kessler says. "With Shomer, there's a whole new community that will benefit from what we know."

For more information on What Matters or to schedule a conversation about advance care planning, email info@whatmattersny.org.

Sherri Lerner is the former editorial director at the Marlene Meyerson JCC Manhattan. She has written and edited for numerous publications and is currently on the staff of the Wechsler Center.