Experiment in Dialogue: Breaking Bread + Bridging Gaps
In an era in which gatherings of families and friends have become potential minefields, community members with divergent political views are choosing to come together specifically to discuss the issues that may divide them—and break down barriers in the process.
Experiment in Dialogue (EID) hosted its first dinner in April 2017, with subsequent dinners taking place approximately every two months. In October 2017, the Marlene Meyerson JCC Manhattan opened our doors to EID and has hosted each dinner at the JCC since then.
The dinners have been filled to capacity since they began, each bringing together 10 to 12 fellow New Yorkers, carefully selected to create an equal balance of conservative and liberal viewpoints. Diners pay nothing to participate and are paired off to discuss current topics, with the help of discussion guides—with conversations often reaching into the political realm.
EID is the brainchild of Laura Messing, the group’s founder and director. While pursuing a certificate in conflict resolution and mediation, she learned that when people are in conflict and feel threatened, they tend to remember only the negative things that are said. “I wanted to figure out a way to stop that,” she explains. She gathered a group of friends who felt the same way and were liberal politically, as she is, but realized that “for there to be any impact, we had to reach across the aisle and involve everyone.”
Messing reached out to Samantha McNeilly, then president of the New York Young Republican Club, and the two organized the first dinner. There Messing met Allison Lee Pillinger Choi, a JCC member, who became EID’s head of partnerships and development—and along with General Counsel Roger Sachar, the group’s leadership was cemented. Both Choi and Sachar are conservatives, which Messing felt would help attract a good mix. “Balance and bipartisanship are baked into the model,” she says.
That balance applies to more than just political leanings. While the current groups are made up mostly of millennials, there is a good balance of males and females, as well as people of different races, ethnicities, and backgrounds. At the dinners, “inclusivity is not only welcome,” says Messing, “but also the foundation.”
“EID is unique,” says Eve Landau, director of the JCC’s Joseph Stern Center for Social Responsibility, “because you’re meeting people as people, not as the representative of a political opinion.”
To ensure a balanced group, prospective dinner participants take a short survey in which they share their reason for wanting to attend and where they fall on the political spectrum.
Politically, “no one knows who anyone is,” Messing adds. While leanings may become apparent, “participants know that the objective is to humanize the other and build bridges across the political spectrum.”
Pete Webb, who has attended several dinners, echoes the idea of building bridges. “I was interested in doing something that bridged the gap between communities. Even in the Jewish community,” he says, “we have very diverse opinions.” But, he adds, whatever our opinions, “we have more similarities than differences.”
“The mainstream reality,” says Choi, “is that people just want to get along. Divisiveness is not the norm.”
Discussion topics for each dinner can range from few to many, depending on how the conversation goes. “Topics are secondary,” says Messing. “They are simply the vehicle for accomplishing the goal.
“The focal point,” she continues, is “developing a primer on how to listen and be present. Folks can agree, disagree, be respectful and be heard.” Topics can be general (“What do you believe America’s responsibility is to its citizens and the world?”) or personal (“Describe a time where you felt totally included in a group, and a time where you felt ostracized.”). Dinner participants and their interests drive the conversations.
Through word of mouth, interest has grown, necessitating waiting lists for future dinners. In response, this summer the group planned to train people who have attended dinners to become facilitators so that additional groups can launch in the coming year.
Those who want to pursue conversations outside the JCC walls can do so through EID’s Buddy Across the Aisle, which encourages diners to reach out to fellow participants with different political views when looking for feedback on current issues. “It’s all about having someone to reach out to when they want a different perspective,” says Choi. “Respect for one another is not threatened by questions.
“The JCC is a community space that embraces diversity and openmindedness,” Choi says. “As an active community member who’s a political minority, I wanted to make this a home for another aspect of my life.”
“Engaging in civic dialogue is certainly something that the Center for Social Responsibility is interested in,” concludes Landau. “All of our programs encourage being open and listening to others. While Experiment in Dialogue is a separate entity,” she says, “it speaks to our values.”
To hear Eve Landau, click here. To hear Allison Choi talk about Experiment in Dialogue, click here.
Sherri Lerner is the former editorial director at the Marlene Meyerson JCC Manhattan. She has written and edited for numerous publications and is currently on the staff of the Wechsler Center.